I wish someone told me.

A book I love, that broke my heart a thousand different ways every time I read it, is now a movie. And I've spent the whole day trapped in the vicious cycle of watching clips and press interviews and trailers for this story that so easily defined my life that it got me thinking of all the things I've learned in adulthood and all the things I wish I could make other people understand without having to do the pain (I told you, this was an intense book).

First, I wish someone had told me at eighteen that I didn't know anything and that was ok. Everyone wants to know what you want to be and is pushing you to be towards college and career and being an adult and getting married and having babies (in that order). I wish I could tell every eighteen year old, that it's ok to not have the answers. It's ok to get a college degree in something you will never use because you figured out you hate it. It's ok to hate college (I certainly did my first semester). It's ok to underachieve until you figure out your true dream. It's ok to work crappy jobs and live in crappy apartments and have crappy kinda relationships, as long as you know that this doesn't make you crappy. You are not going to turn out like you thought you would at eighteen and god help you if you do. You are ever growing, ever changing, and you are just fine

Second, I want to rip Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey out of the hands of girls everywhere. I read Twilight, it's great (Couldn't handle fifty shades of grey all that sex makes me nervous and I've actually done some of it). But just because it's popular doesn't mean it's good.Read books, a lot of them. Learn what you like. It's ok if it changes a thousand times in your life but don't read books because you think you should, read books that change your life. Read things that make you think and grow and cry and laugh and break your heart and make you feel less alone and heal your scars and hurt you. I have been made fun of for having books at bars and parties and car rides and work and in my purse and sometimes it is the only thing that has saved me. Books are the best and most realest way for someone to rip the lessons they've learned, tell their story and share a part of themselves with the world. I wish I could write something that means as much to someone as my favorite books mean to me.

The last little bit is still chaotic but so am I so here it goes.

No one has a right to tell you what to feel.
Because there isn't a right way to do this life thing, I've spent most of my adult life trying to be what I thought I was supposed to and I failed hard. Because it's not who I am. I have made some terrible choices and done some things that a lot of people wouldn't approve of but it made me who I am. My choices, goals, and opinions are nobody's business but mine and if people don't like it that's ok.


This is a lot to put out there but no one reads this anyway so who gives a flying fuck.